Wednesday, April 12, 2000 9:11 PM

Hi. My name is Arabelle and I am 16 years old. I am writing because I either need help, or I seriously think I'm starting to go crazy... so, heres my story.

I was born in Chicago. I'm an only child. My mother and I have never got along. There is no severe beating.. no abuse... its just that we have no relationship at all. We are always arguing, and she says she doesnt punish me... but she is so amazingly paranoid about my life that it is really hard for me to go anywhere.

Because of this, I have picked up a habbit of lying . I lie about where I am going, and who I am going with so I can still go somewhre. My mom joined the Chicago Church of Christ while I was in 7th grade. I had switched schools the year before because she wanted me to go to a better one. I had been mysrable from the switch in schools. I guess I kind of blamed it on her because I was just so amazingly frustrated. That was the first time I talked to a psychotrist that my doctor had recommended because I had bad migranes and came home from school almost every day. I would get sick and spend half the day in the bathroom on other days. I only saw this psychiatrist once because he thought I was trying to kill myself or something, and I wasn't. I have thought of suiside, but I see no point in ruining my future.

My freshman year, I met Chris. Chris is my boyfriend now, and has been since my freshman year. I go to a catholic school that I am not all that fond of. The school was again.. my mothers choice.. because she wanted me to go to a "good school" where I would have god in my life. I have an extreem hatred of my school. Besides that, my relationship with my mother has gotten worse.

Since I met Chris, she never lets me go anywhre with him. When we first met, she spazzed when I would go anywhere near him. She had a heart attack when she found us kissing once. She made me feel so amazingly horrible and stupid for doing what I did, like it was the worst sin in the world to kiss a boy.. when most of the people have done far worse than that and have been since I was in 4th grade. She told him mother that she had found us kissing, and that I could never go to his house. Ever since, she never let me do anything with chris unless there was supervision or a big group of people.

A few weeks later--- She read my diary. I keep it so I don't make the same mistakes with my children that I feel she has made with me. She has left me feeling so stupid and retarded for the decisions I make, and that I am the worst person in the world. My grades have been slipping slowly since 6 grade. I went from a straight A student to a C student. I failed my frist class in my entire class this year and was already feeling horrible.. she made things worse. Im a Jr. in High School.. Im worried about college. I honestly feel that she has left me in the worst position to be in for college... I doubt I would be able to take care of myself.. or maybe I would...

I had been lying to my mother a lot so I could go out with chris. We just went out to go places... Sometimes alone, sometimes with a group of people.. sometimes with other people. We get along well.. hes not abusive or anything.. theres no control. My mom read my diary Again. This time, she found out that we had had sex. She now has this opinion that we are always having sex and that we have sex whever we get the chance, and that we sneak off to have sex. She had told his parents that he had forced me into sex, which is not true. We actually talked about it for a long time before we actually had sex. So...

This led to our huge disgussion that we had with his parents.. and my parents about sex. My mom stated here that she did not want me to go to my Jr. Prom unless my dad took me. My parents and I don't have the best relationship in the world. Maybe some people would say I brought this on myself.. and maybe its true. But this is a once in a lifetime experience. She seems to think Im going to sneak off somewhere and have sex... which isnt even my intention. I have been planning this since the beginnnig of the school year. I got a boat together for after prom. I collected all the money. I made all the phone calls. I passes out all the information. I did everything... why would I not go? She wants my dad to take me everywhere...

Its prom.

That would be soooo embarassing. Its just as bad as the time I had wanted to go to a club and she said she would have my dad pick me up at 12 from the place.. or when she is always the only parent to come and pick me up from places.. and I usually wait alone for her to show up beacuse she didnt want to pick me up from a friends house, but she never seems to be able to find the place we were at.

We don't get along at all. And when I tried to talk to her, she doesnt listen. She thinks Im a liar.. nd that I "dont see her point of view"... but I do. I understand that she is worried, but Im 16.. and about to be 17. I wont be here much longer...

Then I have another father. Ive thought about calling. she changed our number when she found out he had called me. I would like to call... becuasuse maybe we would get along. She just left awhile ago, and Im just going crazy. I thew everything everywhere... and everythings a mess. I dont really want to clean it up, but I dont want to get in trouble. I want to go to my prom... and I had just wanted it to be so perfect. I had this image in my head of having the best time of my life.. something to tell my children. But I honestly think Ive had the worst childhood in the world.

But I'll stop babbling now...

Im basically just looking for some advise. Thanks for your time.

-Arabelle

Friday, April 14, 2000 7:46 AM

Dear Arabelle,

Thank you for writing to the Ninth Street Center. You're a very intelligent and articulate young woman and show great courage in reaching out into the world for help with your difficult circumstances.

The best way to get help is to discuss in person these problems with someone interested in and qualified to understand your situation. You don't say where you live, but there are programs for young people all across the country that will be able to give you advice you can at least try out. If you don't see anything in the Yellow Pages, try calling up City Hall or walking into your local hospital or YMCA and seeing what they recommend.

Let me know if I can answer any other questions.