Can I forgive my mother? In the sense you're probably talking about I forgave my mother when I was a child. I was never much attached to her in the first place and don't ever remember resenting her. She just wasn't very useful and I was glad she kept her distance. This isn't a big deal issue for me at all. The only reason it ever even comes up is because other people ask me all the time about my attitude towards parents. When I say I'm not involved with them and haven't been since I became "conscious" they assume there's some deep trauma I haven't faced yet. What Freudian nonsense. I am as at peace with my mother as I am with Grover Cleveland — who I also never met.

When people ask me in obsessive and compulsive ways to find meaning in events which never took place I get somewhat annoyed, hence you may have sensed irritation in my letter. But it's not against my mother, but rather against a conventional world that needs to define identity in terms of how you relate to your biological parents. My real parents were Paul and you and everybody else I have learned important lessons from. I get along great, by the way, with my real parents.

I don't really believe that my mother has done anything she needs to be forgiven for. I believe people have the right to make whatever choices they need to make to preserve their mental health. She was bullied into the baby-making game by the world she grew up in and was too weak to say no. She did only as much as was necessary and then lost interest. It's not her fault and she did no real damage — unless you consider my becoming creatively individuated at an early age "damage".